Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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