I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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