I must be too annoying 4 u.
I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
