Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
