He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Randomize
