wakey wakey hands off snakey
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
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