R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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