My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
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