before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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