you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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