his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
