So drunk its hurt
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
