Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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