So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
