ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
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