why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
