I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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