I can't watch pbs sober anymore
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
accomplished twins. life is a go
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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