I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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