its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
