I am in a vortex of obligation.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
