Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
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