I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
