Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
This house was built for laser tag.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
