I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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