none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
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