The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
