I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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