I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
