get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
