I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
