That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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