This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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