Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
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