Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize