Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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