is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
