I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
