umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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