I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
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