So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
