eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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