you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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