I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
