Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
