I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
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