so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
