your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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