I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
