Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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