And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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