I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
