I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
