You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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