Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
and eventually we just all took our pants off
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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