meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
