school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
