you didnt know i had herpes?
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
