I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Randomize
