Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
