she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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