She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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