if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
