Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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