Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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