Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
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