I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Randomize
