when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
