i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
