he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
this will be a night to untag.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
