If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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