He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Randomize
