Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
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