oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
The beers last night were like the tears from god
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
