Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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