Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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