He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Come on in and take your pants off
Shame is for Republicans.
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