had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
