I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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