Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
