glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
