My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Randomize
