I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
So vagazzling was a success
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize